A Love Letter for Zelda
by Lady-Valiant
Summary: Hilarity ensues as Link and Zelda read the most horrendous love letter ever written, and Zelda dares Link to write one of his own.


**Author's Note: LoZ? Still not mine.**

A beautiful laugh chimed through the elegant bedroom. Upon an antique sofa, embroidered artfully with golden swirls there sat a lovely young princess. Her long, blonde hair gleamed from the sunlight filtering through the windows, giving her the appearance of some distant goddess. Then, the princess gasped and laughed, leaning forward over the letter held in her hand, shattering the divine illusion. Her aqua eyes were filled with mirth as she eyed the room's only other occupant. He met her gaze curiously as he sheathed the sword he'd been sharpening. "What?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to one side.

The princess smiled. "Alright, Link. You _have _to hear this one."

He raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Another love letter."

His blue eyes widened, and he smiled mischievously. "Oh, then, read on, Princess."

Zelda giggled but managed to read. "Here's what it says—word-for-word. _My Beautiful and Darling Princess, long have I pined for your affections and observed you from afar, amidst the darkened shadows and hidden corridors—" _Zelda stopped reading when she was interrupted by a laugh. "What? I didn't even read the funny part yet."

Link snickered. "It sounds like he's stalking you."

Zelda was taken aback. He was right; the letter _did _sound like he was stalking her…that was a tad unsettling. "Well," she said, "I'll continue, then. Let's see…oh, here it is: _long have I spent many restless nights beneath the silent moon and the lovely stars, aching for your presence, your beauty and spirit. I long for your laugh, as the soothing call of a mockingbird._"

Link laughed again, and Zelda rolled her eyes. "You are so immature," she muttered.

"Immature? What? I was merely laughing at the fact that he compared your laugh to that of a mockingbird. Those things don't sound very pleasant at all. What did you _think _I was talking about?"

Zelda fought back a flush, and the realization seemed to dawn on Link. "Aching for your presence. Oh."

Mentally, Zelda smirked and continued reading, "_I long to see your eyes, gorgeous and luminous orbs of sapphire. I long to feel your hands against mine. I dream of your strong and horse-like calves and your slender legs."_

"You do have nice calves," Link mused.

"Do I?" Zelda asked. "And would you call them strong and horse-like?"

He shook his head. "No…but I'm sure it's meant as a compliment."

"Well, he talks about my face next. Listen to this: _I love your face, a perfect oval, not unlike a circle with two sides pinched together._"

Link just looked at her blankly. "That was…odd."

"So is this," quipped Zelda, quoting the next line, "_Your sense of everything is very refined, like a person who can distinguish between an orange and a nectarine with the slightest glance._"

"I can do that, too," replied Link.

"I think everyone can do that," muttered Zelda, "Oh, but it gets worse. _I long to caress your body, which looks soft, not like a kitten, but like the sensation of resting one's head on a pillow after falling on the cold, hard floor._"

"Huh. I don't know how he got the impression your body is soft. I remember that one time you tried to borrow my hookshot and fell on me. Let me tell you; you were far from sof—ow!"

Zelda smiled serenely as Link rubbed his head and glared at the book she'd just thrown at him. "You were saying?" inquired Zelda sweetly.

"Nothing, Princess."

"That's what I thought, Link."

He muttered something incoherent under his breath, and Zelda resumed reading, "_When you walk past, I fancy I hear bells, just as the palace alarm rings, signaling when someone has fallen into the moat._"

"I did that once," Link mused, "Fell in the moat, I mean. Well, I didn't really _fall_. I was fighting a dragon, and the dragon crashed into the moat. Do you remember that?"

Zelda nodded. "Of course, I pulled you out, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I guess you did. Huh. All I really remember was that we were running from Ganondorf."

"Oh, well, funny you mention him. Here's the next line: _I admire your strength, as the might she-man that slew the horrid Ganondorf._"

Link gawked at her before breaking into a fit of laughter. "Oh…Farore…you _can't _be serious…"

"How can you laugh? He called me a _she-man_!"

"Zelda, out of all the things you could…b-be mistaken for…hah…a _man _is not one…of them! Oh, dear Goddesses! That's…so…funny!"

Zelda crossed her arms, pretending to be indignant as the hero's laughter finally subsided. Then, she smiled, and Link's grin faded. "Why are you smiling, Zelda?" he asked.

"The letter mentions you, too."

"It does not!"

"Oh, it does, _Hero_. _And Zelda, I love you mostly for your generosity. I'll never forget the day I saw you help that poor, injured fairy by letting him stay in the palace._"

"I'm not a fairy!" Link gasped, jumping to his feet. "He did _not_, and I think I earned my stay! I killed Ganondorf! But…wait, he said you killed Ganondorf, so did he mistake you for me? Wait. What? Did he fall on his head?"

It was Zelda's turn to laugh, and if looks could kill, the glare Link gave her would've turned her into a smoldering pile of ash. Eventually, Link crossed his arms and glared sullenly out the window. "Quite finished?" he asked, the moment Zelda's giggles ceased.

"Yes, it's almost done. _I've finally emptied my entire heart's contents to you as surely as a chest opens its contents after you struggle to open it. I love you forever and until the Goddesses take me away. Love eternally, Arden._"

"That was awful," said Link. "Anyone in the world could write a better letter than that; I could write a better love letter than that!"

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "Really, Link?" she asked, suddenly curious to see him try.

"Of course. What? The whole point of writing of love letter is just to let someone know you love him or her, isn't it?"

"I guess so."

"Easy," said Link.

"Then, do it."

"Do what?"

"Write me a love letter."

"The princess of Hyrule is ordering me to write her a love letter," he replied, grinning crookedly.

"Yes, she is."

"Fine. How long do I have?"

"How long do you need?"

Link thought a moment. "I need…three hours."

"Three hours?" she asked. "Are you going to write me a _novel_?"

"Nope. Just a letter."

"Fine," she agreed, "But do it here. I'm not letting you get out of this."

He agreed and returned to his spot on the sofa opposite Zelda. It took much longer than three hours—more like four before Link announced he was done. Zelda set the book she'd been reading aside. "Alright, let's see."

Link nodded and held out the letter, pulling it back at the last moment. "Actually…I want you to promise you won't slap me afterwards."

"Now why would I do that?"

"It's the first love letter I've ever written. It's probably horrible."

"Oh, just let me see!"

He sighed and handed her the letter. Zelda opened it, and her eyes widened. It was…very short. _Dear Zelda, I love you. Forever Yours, Link. _

She met his face, and he grinned. "It took you…four hours to write eight words?"

"Oh no," he replied. "I finished in, like, a few seconds."

"Then, why did you…?"

"I wanted an excuse to spend four hours with the Princess; she's horribly elusive these days because of all her royal duties and whatnot. Also…well, I kind of wanted to avoid evening sword practice."

He shrugged as he moved to the door. "Night, Zelda!" he replied, winking.

Zelda watched him leave, unsure whether to be amused or astonished. "You cheeky, infuriating imp," she muttered. "I am _so _going to get you back for this."

The door burst open suddenly, and Link peered inside her room. "That's what I'm counting on, Princess."


End file.
